How about you, how many statistics- how many experts here today? I'll tell you. At least 25-33% of all females and 16% of all males have histories of childhood sexual abuse. I want to let you in on a little secret: I HATE DOING THIS! So why do I do it? Martin Luther King, Jr. said "Our lives end the day we become silent about things that matter," but more than that, I want you to understand my perspective -a victim's perspective which may be YOUR perspective, and maybe, just maybe you can gain some empathy for what we went through. I believe in this domestic war on terror we need empathy to fully change things.

Let me tell you what a victim feels. A victim feels unloved and uncounted and when other children are learning to be human, a victim is learning to be invisible. This is much more damaging than the wounds we suffered, or the rapes we endured, or the sheer hopeless feelings we felt. There is a profound sense of un-safeness and unworthiness in a victim's life.

You know, we find on the outside what we possess on the inside.

What is on the inside? What kind of self-esteem? What do you think? And those of us with this kind of esteem will absolutely seek out those to confirm what we think we know about ourselves on the inside. And what is so damned frustrating is this problem is absolutely PREVENTABLE! Yet of all the money spent on child abuse, only 1 penny out of every dollar goes to prevention. I truly believe we will not really change things until we make our precious gifts, our children national priority one.

What happened to me - to this child? He, I, we, lost our self-esteem, our hope for a safe life, our ability to live a life without fear. I lost this through beatings with belts and switches. I was terrorized in my home and there I was taught, as all children are taught about family and love. I learned love is painful, inconsistent and scary, it hurts, shows you how worthless you truly are, and the people you need and love the most will hurt you the most. To add to this, I was sexually abused from the age of 8 to 12 & ½. I was repeatedly raped in a light green chair and no one knew, because I was so, so scared of so, so many things. Therefore, I was silent, and like a cancer, my silence grew, and just like cancer silently grows until it manifests in physical problems, my cancer manifested in failed relationships and irresponsible behavior and poor choices and thoughts I was crazy and flawed and would never be like other "normal" people. And you know we treat this as though it is not our business, and we worry about family rights. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is not - NOT our business and this dirty laundry must be aired! What happens to them happens to me and it happens to you! I wonder how my life would have played out if I had not been given what my abuser gave me, what all abusers give all of us, fear.

I like to think I'm getting better, but the jury is still out on that. I think some or all of our fears developed with belts and beatings and burns and incest and rape and neglect and screaming and put-downs, fears developed with the utter wrongness of our childhoods remain an integral part of us and may never go away. So I want to thank you for your help with our fears. I would like you to imagine our fears and child abuse in general as a huge silent wall and your race; your efforts throw a pebble at that wall. The sound of your feet slapping these asphalt and concrete streets is a pebble against that wall. Your advocacy for the great silent victims of this world is another pebble against that wall.

You know, alone, I cannot make it go away but I can speak out. I will NOT BE SILENT - my voice will be a pebble. So I ask you: do not let another neighbor, friend, child suffer this way. Write your Senators and Congressional leaders, TV stations or other media outlets, anyone who will listen! Do not turn your back on me - on all of us - on those here today who survived and are still surviving. The Buddhists say you can only fill yourself up when first you empty yourself. So empty yourself of your feelings of frustration with this cause, of your hatred of those that harm children and fill yourselves up with what you can do for all of us.

Do not walk away today from this with your trophies, your tee-shirts, your tired feet and let this die - PLEASE, do not. You are an advocate and you are changed now. This race to stop the silence does not end here today. This race continues beyond that finish line and April 15, 2006. I swear to you all - you have NO IDEA what a difference you can make. I look forward to hearing your pebbles strike those walls. I look forward to hearing your voices join with mine, with all of our voices. Thank you.

David Paulk, MS, PA-C
Authentic Voice
Assistant Professor
Academic Coordinator
Arcadia University
Department of Medical Science and Community Health
450 South Easton Road
Glenside, PA 19038
215-572-4480 - office
215-881-8746 - facsimile